The Comfort Zone

Create your own comfort zone. We all have busy lives and it's hard to connect with our honies sometimes. We're exhausted, we don't know what to say, the kids are demanding constant attention; it's just time to zone out. You NEED to create a space within your home that makes you feel relaxed enough to have a conversation and remember why you're together in the first place. At my house, we have the Cave. If you've been to my house, you know what I'm talking about and you probably have fond memories of Friday nights gone by.

If you've been reading my posts, by now, you know that I have a split foyer (grumble). So when you walk into my house, you have to make an immediate decision (in a 2'x3' space) to go up or down. Down is the Cave. At the bottom of the stairs, you can take a right and there's 2 bedrooms and a bathroom; but to the left is a magical realm on Friday nights. We have a long rectangular family room with a fireplace at the end, woodpaneling on the walls, mottled grey berber carpet, and very plush, comfy navy blue couches. But what makes it really special are the strings of Christmas lights all around the perimeter of the ceiling and the 25 candles around the room - on the walls, the tables, but most of them surrounding the fireplace and on the mantle. On any weekday or night, it's just an ordinary family room where someone is watching CNN or surfing the web. But on Friday nights, it's like the Bridge to Terabithia.

Only Christmas lights and candle lights are on. Our computer is hooked into our (very cheap "Made in China") home theatre system, and we crank the iTunes loud and strong! We have an amp, a good microphone, and call up lyrics on the computer and sign karoake to the real songs, not those Musak-sounding, "follow the bouncing ball" songs. We call it a "kid free zone" and they know enough to stay upstairs. (We get them something from Netflix and throw a couple of snacks at them and let them stay up late as long as there's no fighting - remind me to tell you about my kids sometime.) We have a few beers, start off talking about the week - what's new at the office, how are the kids doing, how are the friends we haven't seen in a couple of weeks (hey! maybe they'll be poppin' over later!), how did the latest Chemistry experiment go ("I see we still have a kitchen!) and the other fabulous homeschooling experiences of the week. But after a couple of hours of good tunes, a few beers, and the weekly catch-up, we start solving the world's problems. This is where I come up with all these great ideas that I can't remember a month later.

So I didn't solve a global issue last night, but I did realize that it's important to write about a creating a warm, inviting, loose space for yourself and calling it a special zone for adults once a week. We have friends that come and spend this time with us. They bring their kids - who also run upstairs and know to stay away from the Kid Free Zone. It's nice. It's not every week, but it's often enough to have meaningful conversation with other adults and not spend a whole lot of money going out (you know, dinner, drinks, babysitters, etc.)

Everyone always comments on how relaxed they are in our Cave and that they really enjoy their low cost, social time with us and how they'd love to create that atmosphere at home. So I just thought I'd share it with you. If you've been trying to figure why things don't click for you, or you're feeling exhausted and apathetic and you can't remember the last time you had a real conversation - create YOUR space. Make the effort, the dividends pay off in so many ways! Reconnection with your honey, a social life, relaxation, less stress, happier parenting - just do it.